This is week 2 of my study with Proverbs 31 Ministries online book/bible study of “Am I Messing Up My Kids?” I am really enjoying what this book and the study is bringing to my life. Most of all I love reading the blogs and comments other women share about their experiences! I am learning so much. If you would like to join this study, visit, proverbs31.org and click on “online studies”! Now, this weeks topic, “My God Love Story.” I wrote a Love Letter to God.
I am writing to you with a humble, open, and thankful heart. Out of the darkness that was my life, you saved me. My choices, my shame, my depression, my thoughts of ending it all, you saved me. Before I knew of your true love for me, you were orchestrating my future, weaving in the right people to cross my path so that it would lead me back to you. I stand in awe of the series of events you planned to bring me back to the relationship I once thought I knew, but wasn’t mature enough to embrace or understand. Only when I was on the bottom ready to end it all did you reach down, scoop me up, and cradle me in your loving arms. What joy, relief, and comfort I felt when I came crawling back. My face and soul were bruised and dirtied by life.
When I was younger, I would pray to you out of fear not knowing that your love was unconditional and pure towards me. I would try my hardest not to “mess up” during the day and spent my nights praying hard so that you would wake me up the next morning so I could try to be better the next day. I know You remember those prayers and probably now You shake Your head along with me because I was so lost and naive to what Your love truly is! I also know that you remember the pain of my adolescent years. Teased and Taunted in middle school for being a Christian, I tried to share the story of You with others, but I was teased. That was hard Papa God, and I ran away from it. I sank into my eating disorder and depression. I fell away from….You.
My early twenties proved to be harder, You watched it all. I tried to find love in all the wrong places, which left me feeling empty and shamed. Little did I know, better days were to come and blessings would be given, more than I could ever know or understand. Papa God, the day I hit the bottom, wanting to end it all, I know You were crying with me. My mother prayed so hard for me to come back to You. I praise and thank you for making me reach out to her that day. She brought me to the Church to talk to her Pastor and I recommitted my life to You that day. Praise Your Holy and Wonderful name Papa! Oh what Joy and Peace You brought! Not only did You save me, but, You blessed me with gifts that I cherish with my whole heart and soul. You gave me love through You but also through my husband! A meeting of this Love is the only kind You could have orchestrated. Pure magic and a miracle all wrapped into one. More and More blessings you bestowed and then the ultimate blessing…. My son. Made from pure love You gave me the most precious gift I could ever ask for! Papa God, You saved me, healed me, renewed me, and blessed me. You continue to do so everyday. I want to spend my days with my son telling and teaching him about You, Papa, and what Your love truly is! My love for You is growing and I still sometimes don’t get why you love me so much, it is hard to wrap my mortal mind around it. Papa, I love You. Thank you for setting me free….
Love Always and Forever,
“See, God has come to save me. I will trust in Him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.”