Hello all of my Wonderfully Made followers! As many of you know this is my first post for the Blog Hop for the online Bible/Book Study of “Am I messing Up my Kids” through Proverbs 31 Ministries ( http://proverbs31.org ). This weeks topic is “Being A Mom Is Tough” and boy oh boy is it!
I am 30 years old, and since age 25, I have wanted to be a momma! I started getting the baby itch as many women do. When I got married on August 25, 2012, that itch only became even more noticeable. My husband and I wanted to wait a year because we wanted to have some time under our belts as a married couple. I was good with that. Then in the end of summer 2013, we both decided, life is too short, lets start our family. I was pregnant 2 months later. October 1, 2013 was the day that changed my life forever. Being a mommy starts when that little life is being formed in your body. Being in recovery from an Eating Disorder made it that much more important to me to eat right and take care of my little one. The first 3 months of that pregnancy proved to be difficult as I was plagued with Morning Sickness which rendered me out of work for a month after being hospitalized for being dehydrated and malnourished. My pregnancy was a difficult and stressful one, but I still was determined that it was all worth it. Then, June 9, 2014 at 4:23pm after 30 hours of tiring labor, He was here!!! Wyatt Decker, 7 pounds, 4 ounces and 18 inches long! I was finally a momma!!!!
That is when the reality set in, anxiety peaked, and the realization that, Holy Moly, I have NO CLUE what I am doing! Breastfeeding, burping, bathing, and diaper changes! I never really had any prior experience! Ok, here is a true confession, one I am not proud of, so here it goes. A week ago my little guy was having a few days where he was fussy and cranky to the max! It seemed like no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. I was convinced that there was something wrong with my ability and I found myself getting frustrated with myself and with him. Yes, frustrated with a baby. I am not proud of that. I even had to at one point put him down and walk away for a minute. That is when I just cried and decided to reach out to the only person I knew would calm me down, my sister. She is super mom and I look up to her so much! She already has one beautiful daughter and in days will be giving birth to her second ( I am a proud auntie!!). In the midst of my frustration with myself and sadness that I was frustrated with my little guy, I texted her what was going on (I couldn’t call, because he was crying in the background…oye vey…).
My sister told me something so unexpected that my heart immediately felt lighter after she said it. My sister told me that these are moments that no mom ever shares and that even she (yes, the one I look up to so much) had to do the same thing at times when she first became a momma!! She agreed with me that this part stinks and being a mom can be very tough at times. I was so relieved and no longer felt alone!! She encouraged me, built me up, and told me that I was a great mom and I could do this! Isn’t it amazing when God gives the people in your life the exact right words to say to you? God is so good!
The next day, I woke up early after I fed my little guy, sat on my porch and opened up my bible. My eyes grazed upon a verse that I have read over and over, but it really resonated with me at this moment in my life. It was Philippians 4:13(NLT), “For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” Yes!! Of Course! I need to rely on God’s strength, not my own, to get through the times when I feel less than or insufficient. God is sufficient enough for me and my frustrations!
No one ever tells you or prepares you for how tough motherhood is. I never truly understood until now. This is a life changing experience that is exciting, terrifying, and wonderful all at the same time. Everyone tells me, it is so worth it. It is worth it, but, it is tough and I can only rely on the strength of Papa God. Not my own. Now, with renewed strength I find in Papa God, I cherish the sweet moments and I have been breathing deeply through the tough one’s.
“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13(NLT)